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Mother's Day

Mother's Day isn't just a day to celebrate moms. It's a day to celebrate children.

The morning of Mother's Day, I remember waking up, lying in bed next to my husband and immediately I started thinking about our son Maddox and the little boy inside me that would soon make his arrival and also my bonus daughter. I thought about all the gifts that God has given me and it gave me strength.

I held it together for a little while. I got out of bed, fed the dogs, and grabbed a drink of water. As I was walking to the bathroom to hop in the shower, tears started rolling down my face. Being a mom is a wonderful gift. Not being able to spend Mother's Day with your babies though is heart wrenching. While I was standing in the shower, I thought about the first time I saw Maddox and the emotions, feelings, and love that I felt. It's a feeling unlike anything in the entire world. I have never loved anyone or anything, more than I love our son. I wanted more than anything to protect our son. I didn't want to spend a moment without him. I also thought about the 11 days of memories that God gifted us.

Then I began to wipe away the tears and it suddenly came over me that Maddox wouldn't want his mommy to be sad. He would want her to embrace all of her gifts. Embrace the fact that I am a mom. I'm a beautiful, strong, kind-hearted mom. I have a beautiful bonus (step) daughter, a handsome son in Heaven (who is almost a 1-year old), and a sweet little boy growing in my tummy (waiting to make his arrival). I picked my head up, put both hands on my belly, and began to sing a sweet lullaby to the little boy inside me. I then looked up, blew Maddox a kiss, told him I loved him so much, and suddenly I felt his presence all around me.

As grieving mothers, or grieving parents even, we sometimes forget that even when our children aren't with us physically, they are with us spiritually. They are all around us, every day of our lives. As a mom who lost her first little boy, I know that it isn't easy. Some days are cruel. Some days are heart shattering. Some days you just cry. The pain will come and go, but it will get easier to pick yourself up. Our babies will be with us forever. They are a part of us that no one can ever take away. Choose to have faith. Choose to have faith that in the future, you will be able to see the light. Choose to have faith that you will be able to feel the presence of your child or children. It will be well in time and there will be sunshine at the end of the storm.

Love to you all.

Jaime Jarvis

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