Stormy Weather

I promise you, storms don't last forever.

I think about this phrase often. If it were still 2016 I would tell you that you are nuts if you really think the storm that my family and I were going through at the time wasn't going to last forever. But it didn't last forever. Trust me when I say, there is always going to be a rainy day, a hail storm, thunder, lightning, maybe even a tornado; but it won't last. Rain will come and go just like the sunshine does. Learning to get yourself through it is what's really important.

Every day since our sons passing I have: cried, prayed, begged, hoped, and wished that something could have been different. Every day I have different unanswered questions. Every day I think about our daughter who's had to try to understand why her baby brother was taken so early and every day I think about the next baby, will they be okay?

The truth is though, we can't be "stuck" in the storm. We can't be chained down. There comes a point when you have to break from the chains and weather the storm and that time is today. After my son passed away, you bet I had trouble sleeping, trouble getting out of bed, and even trouble understanding why it was him that was taken.

But every day I have grown stronger and learned that Maddox was a special angel that God just really needed. Every day I thank God because I know Maddox is in good hands and I know that he is watching over his big sister, his new baby brother or sister, his daddy, and his mommy. I see him through every aspect of our lives and that's what I thank God for. Our son went to Heaven but it doesn't mean that he isn't a part of our lives' anymore. I also know that he helped his mommy and daddy get pregnant again with our little rainbow baby and that he will help us get through every part of this pregnancy.

I know that the storm is hard. I know that sometimes you may feel like you can't breath or move. But PLEASE trust me when I say, YOU CAN make it through it. God gives his toughest battles to his strongest soldiers and you are IT. I have my days when I still feel like I can't breath. You will probably always have days like that and that's okay. It's also okay to cry, talk to someone, and scream if you need to. Just know that whenever you are feeling like you've hit a wall, you are not alone.

Whenever I'm upset I know that I have a husband to hold me, a friend to talk to, and a family to lean on. I know that no matter where I am our son is always with us and that helps me to put a smile on my face and keep looking forward.

-Jaime Jarvis