Do you know that feeling you get as a parent? You know exactly when something is wrong? The morning of July 15th, I had just that feeling. My heart sank, my voice shook, I was absolutely terrified. I was 31 weeks, 6 days pregnant with my first baby. A baby boy.
When I was little, I dealt with a lot of health problems, had multiple tests done and was diagnosed with several different stomach disorders. I was also told that the chance of me ever getting pregnant when I got old enough, was very slim.
Then I met a man that I fell head over heels for and we became pregnant. I was so excited. Maddox was a miracle. Lets face it, all babies are miracles. The day he was born I went to the Dr.'s office to get monitored and have an ultrasound because I hadn't been feeling our son move for a while and I knew that something had to be wrong. Not long after having some tests done at the Dr.'s office, I was sent to labor and delivery where the Dr. made the decision to do an emergency c-section because our son wasn't breathing well enough on his own. By 6:55 p.m. that night we had a beautiful little boy.
I didn't get to see our son that night until he was being transported to the NICU at Rockford Memorial. When I saw him, I wanted more than anything to go with him, but I stayed over night at the hospital I was at and the next morning was transported to be with our son. That day was a rollercoaster of emotions.
Our baby was so beautiful and I could already tell so strong, but he needed a lot of help to get better. Multiple tests were done, multiple things were thrown at us that they thought our son had, and all of his tests came back normal. We never received an answer, but we knew our son was a gift and he was definitely placed in our lives for a reason. I couldn't thank God enough for making me his mommy.
11 days of being in the NICU. 11 days of crying and screaming at God. 11 days of begging, praying, hoping for something to change, for things to get better, and for us to be able to take our baby home, but we never did. There was multiple people who told us they didn't know how long our son had, that it could be any day, but I had faith in him, because every day he was here he showed us just how strong he was and how strong we could be for him.
On the 10th day of being in the NICU we received some pretty difficult news, we were told that Maddox had little to no brain activity and they weren't sure what caused it, but they knew there was nothing they could do. We prayed harder. We prayed for answers. We prayed for an answer to what we needed to do to help our son and on the 11th day we received our answer.
On the 11th day we had a meeting with all of the Dr.'s and some nurses of Maddox's. We were told that Maddox was fighting, but his kidneys were starting to fail and soon his liver would too and then everything else would start to shut down. In an instant I broke into a million little pieces. How could I have a normal, healthy pregnancy and then our son have to go through all of this? After our meeting we had to sit down and discuss with each other what decision we were going to make. What was going to be best for our son?
We walked back into Maddox's room and I realized right then that our "Little Superman" was fighting as hard as he could, but he was also struggling to fight. It was time. It was time to let God make the decision and all we could do was pray and have faith.
A few hours after making our difficult decision, our close family arrived and Maddox was placed in my arms as I sat in the hospital chair. As I looked at our son, I saw so much of his daddy and his sister and even his mommy. I prayed to God and told him that all I wanted was for our son to be happy and to not have to suffer anymore, no matter what the cost was. That night at 6:55 p.m. God welcomed him into his forever home.
Although at the time I was angry at God, I knew that he was doing what was best for our son and think that maybe Heaven just needed an angel like him. It was the hardest day of my life. Our son was the best gift I could have been given and although he couldn't stay long, the 11 days that I got to see him and tell him how much he was loved, were the best days of my life. Yes, they were the hardest days of my life, but I would honestly do it all over again just to spend 11 more days with him.
I learned from all of this that:
1. No matter how hard something is, you have to hold on to all of the good.
2. Cherish all of the moments spent with your family, because moments don't last forever; only the memories do.
3. Be strong, even when you feel like your falling apart and.....
4. Always have faith that everything will work out the way that it is meant to.
-Jaime Jarvis
When I was little, I dealt with a lot of health problems, had multiple tests done and was diagnosed with several different stomach disorders. I was also told that the chance of me ever getting pregnant when I got old enough, was very slim.
Then I met a man that I fell head over heels for and we became pregnant. I was so excited. Maddox was a miracle. Lets face it, all babies are miracles. The day he was born I went to the Dr.'s office to get monitored and have an ultrasound because I hadn't been feeling our son move for a while and I knew that something had to be wrong. Not long after having some tests done at the Dr.'s office, I was sent to labor and delivery where the Dr. made the decision to do an emergency c-section because our son wasn't breathing well enough on his own. By 6:55 p.m. that night we had a beautiful little boy.
I didn't get to see our son that night until he was being transported to the NICU at Rockford Memorial. When I saw him, I wanted more than anything to go with him, but I stayed over night at the hospital I was at and the next morning was transported to be with our son. That day was a rollercoaster of emotions.
Our baby was so beautiful and I could already tell so strong, but he needed a lot of help to get better. Multiple tests were done, multiple things were thrown at us that they thought our son had, and all of his tests came back normal. We never received an answer, but we knew our son was a gift and he was definitely placed in our lives for a reason. I couldn't thank God enough for making me his mommy.
11 days of being in the NICU. 11 days of crying and screaming at God. 11 days of begging, praying, hoping for something to change, for things to get better, and for us to be able to take our baby home, but we never did. There was multiple people who told us they didn't know how long our son had, that it could be any day, but I had faith in him, because every day he was here he showed us just how strong he was and how strong we could be for him.
On the 10th day of being in the NICU we received some pretty difficult news, we were told that Maddox had little to no brain activity and they weren't sure what caused it, but they knew there was nothing they could do. We prayed harder. We prayed for answers. We prayed for an answer to what we needed to do to help our son and on the 11th day we received our answer.
On the 11th day we had a meeting with all of the Dr.'s and some nurses of Maddox's. We were told that Maddox was fighting, but his kidneys were starting to fail and soon his liver would too and then everything else would start to shut down. In an instant I broke into a million little pieces. How could I have a normal, healthy pregnancy and then our son have to go through all of this? After our meeting we had to sit down and discuss with each other what decision we were going to make. What was going to be best for our son?
We walked back into Maddox's room and I realized right then that our "Little Superman" was fighting as hard as he could, but he was also struggling to fight. It was time. It was time to let God make the decision and all we could do was pray and have faith.
A few hours after making our difficult decision, our close family arrived and Maddox was placed in my arms as I sat in the hospital chair. As I looked at our son, I saw so much of his daddy and his sister and even his mommy. I prayed to God and told him that all I wanted was for our son to be happy and to not have to suffer anymore, no matter what the cost was. That night at 6:55 p.m. God welcomed him into his forever home.
Although at the time I was angry at God, I knew that he was doing what was best for our son and think that maybe Heaven just needed an angel like him. It was the hardest day of my life. Our son was the best gift I could have been given and although he couldn't stay long, the 11 days that I got to see him and tell him how much he was loved, were the best days of my life. Yes, they were the hardest days of my life, but I would honestly do it all over again just to spend 11 more days with him.
I learned from all of this that:
1. No matter how hard something is, you have to hold on to all of the good.
2. Cherish all of the moments spent with your family, because moments don't last forever; only the memories do.
3. Be strong, even when you feel like your falling apart and.....
4. Always have faith that everything will work out the way that it is meant to.
-Jaime Jarvis
Comments
Post a Comment